Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
