When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
