just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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