i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
