is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
