I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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