are you so shy because you have an std?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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