i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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