Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
