fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
