So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
