yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
