if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
