so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
