You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
