dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
