just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
4 words: hood of his car
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
