What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
