whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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