Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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