last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
