I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
