I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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