I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
