i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
