tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My pussy is not your playground.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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