Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
