1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
