Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
MIDGETS
????
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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