we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
