She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I got inside last night via doggy door
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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