you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
