I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
