Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
