Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
