Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
