Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
