I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
