just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
