Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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