I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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