First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
