is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
