I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
