problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You're like the curious george of whores
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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