my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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