just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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