Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
