we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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