It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
