ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
