Plan B is the new Plan A
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Randomize
