The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
