Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
