dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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