You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
